554: Inspired.

I don’t know what WordPress did to my latest post. It is now lost in the black hole of blog-entries-mysteriously-gone-missing.

Anyway. This is basically what the missing post was about.

I am sick of waddling around in the stinky puddle of my mediocrity. There will be people rolling their eyes and thinking that I am being all assy because they think I am one of those people who score 99 in their exams and still whine about not getting 100. I am not that person.

(Although I was her once – a very long time ago.)

I know that I can do better than this and I am a disappointment otherwise.

I’ve always felt irritated by my performance but it’s never been bad enough to push me over the edge.

Not this time.

I am sick of all this. I want to matter. I want to count. I want to change things for the better. Nobody really cares anymore and those who really do make all the difference. Patients deserve better, they should not suffer because of our incompetence.

I joined med school because I sincerely want to help. What’s the point of staying if I’m only going to go halfway?

I want to be the doctor that is willing to go the extra mile. I want to be the doctor that doesn’t turn people away.

I am not going to complain and whine about the circumstances that I may possibly be put in. Every chance to help anybody is going to be grabbed. Where I do the helping doesn’t matter. It’s not about me – my job is to serve the public whenever and wherever I can, and not to do so only in a comfortable cushy environment.

I am not going to mope in self-pity when I come back to Malaysia to work. I am going to work towards providing better healthcare for every person that comes through the hospital doors. Call me idealistic. I don’t care. I am going to change things, one case at a time.

I have decided that I am going to be a good doctor.

Nothing else matters.