595: Something’s a brewing…

:)

You’ve got (hand-delivered) mail.

“Do you read 蜡笔小新?”

;)

(I can’t post more yet because all of this is classified information)

Haha!

(Actually the people who read my blog probably already know what the surprise is. LoL.)

594: The wee hours

(edit: this entry is 5.5 hours late… WordPress wouldn’t load earlier on – predictably -_-)

It is 6.57 am. I started my day 57 minutes ago. -_-

I dreamt that I went for the prom – again.

(I don’t know the reason behind the existence of a second prom)

I was more prepared this time though. Ha. Ha.

It’s the wee hours that eat you up and turn you inside out.

(All for the sake of mankind)

NILAI HERE I COME.

Hear me roar.

-_-

593: Post for a Secret Keeper

I now realise that I probably shouldn’t have told you about the (alleged) reason behind TheSilence.

It was none of my business to begin with – and I shouldn’t have tried to tamper with such delicate issues.

I also realise that it must’ve been a great shock, hearing those things, and that I should’ve just kept MY silence.

You say you don’t care anymore – I don’t really believe you.

I know that I cannot undo things that have been done, and that not telling you wouldn’t have made a difference,  but yet I let my ignorance get the better of me.

I’m feeling rather stupid right now.

Please accept my apology.

592: Mich the (blank)

It doesn’t always rock to be in the know. *eyeroll at cliche*

What to tell*? What to not tell?

What to say? What to not say?

Do I stand quietly by your side as I watch you run about and play in the playground of your delusions, or do I snap and tell you to wake up?

I used to relish being told everything – I have now come to realise, on more occasions than one, that ignorance sometimes really is bliss.

* I’m not telling anybody anything I’m not supposed to be telling them.

AIYOH DAMMIT WHY DO THE WRONG COMBINATION OF PEOPLE READ MY BLOG?! -_-

—

You have managed to single-handedly hurt two people who are very important to me.

I have no respect left for you whatsoever.

Please take your whining elsewhere – somewhere where people actually give a shit.

Actually… No, wait -

I forgot. You have no real friends.

(I hope you read this.)

—

The author would like to express temporary disgust at the bitchiness displayed in the previous part of this entry.

Temporary – because the hurt said person caused justifies my meanness.

—

Finding words to fill this void – waiting for the unspoken/unwritten ones to fill me up so I can let it all out in a case of verbal diarrhoea again.

(Haha okla I structured the previous sentence so I could include the words “verbal diarrhoea” in it -_-)

—

Blergh. I don’t know why you people still read here.

I love all of you. :D

—

I bump into paragraphs of words written months and months ago on a very frequent basis – and I marvel at how I seemed to have been already feeling the things that seem so new and alien to me at this very moment.

I am actually wiser and more experienced than I thought! :D

Ok wrong emoticon.

—

Oh yes. This is perhaps the most important part of this post:

We (the people who really matter, HAHA) know the truth behind what happened that day, and there are at least three blogs (including this one) on which our indignance and repugnance towards said person’s actions are published. We hope that you realise that we are not all like that and we are horribly sorry.

( you are a lousy liar, BTW. ;) )

We feel terrible lo. :( Things like this shouldn’t happen to good people like you. :/ Samore it’s like very sad la to see the way you’re acting like nothing happened – if it were me I’d probably be…

… haha ok nevermind not the point.

Sorry again… :(

(hahahahahah I will probably be asked to take this part down -_- I HOPE YOU READ IT BEFORE THEY DO. LOL.)

(do you still read my blog? :/)

591: Paiseh, hor.

This post is meant mainly for the following people:

Dot, Chong Bing, Tracy, Jeat, Mezhen, Jing, Jo, Jho and Carolyn.

O_O

Haha, mengganas! I had no idea there were so many of you.

I know it is very sien la for all of you to have to listen to me talk about the same things over and over and over and over again…

I am also very sien liao.

Therefore, I am hereby issuing a declaration stating that I will try my very best to not talk about the things I always talk to you people about.

You people are the best: I’d have probably been reduced to a nervous wreck if it weren’t for your comforting presence and willing ears – and the ability to tell me what I want/need to hear, depending on what the situation calls for.

Thank you ok. :)

Me loves you people berbanyak-banyak, cinta aku untuk you all setinggi bukit Everest dan sedalam jurang Mariana. HAHA okla mungkin tak begitu banyakla – very scary ok.

Oklah. Here ends my whining – hopefully.

Michelle will have to learn to shut up now. :)

590: Spirited Away

I am going to perfect the song Inochi no Namae for you. :)

Haha my Petrof plays/sounds better than the grand piano in LT 2. :P

<3 Petrof :D

(okla maybe my skills have deteriorated so much I have to rely on the piano to sing for me instead of being able to make the piano sing – if you get what I mean)

Chong Bing: Haha I tell you I think my head has won liao -_-

589: Let’s make tonight special… not.

One should never expect anything.

(I now realise the importance of not spoiling “surprises” for myself :/)

(Haha, there is also probably a reason why surprises are asked to be kept surprises – because if you do not follow through with them nobody will know and things will still be the same and you get off scot free. *eyeroll*)

… AND YET I waited. Like an idiot. -_- (I even tried to nudge things along – how pathetic -_-)

… and of course in the end it didn’t happen la. I cannot believe that I had faith even when time passed from the “aiyah it’s still very early la” to the “nevermind la still got time” to the “NEVERMIND IT HASN’T ENDED YET” phase. -_-

Haha, who/what am I to you?

Do I really not want to know?

Or am I afraid of realising who/what you are to me?

(sometimes I wonder how things would be if…)

(it would’ve been so easy. for the both of us)

588: Call this whatever you want to.

I guess it all boils down to how you feel after a night of sleep – most things will seem insignificant and if you do feel better you’ll know that things can be fixed and the dead end you were cornering yourself into the night before only exists in your mind.

I do feel better – you’re not important enough?

Haha. :)

—

The D word. HAHA DIMER. Sorry. *ahem*

It’s just that when you look at someone and you see this huge potential and you see how much that person can do/ is doing and you see all of that go to waste because of some small hiccup. Your heart kinda breaks because you want the best for that person and there is only so much you can do and all (s)he has to do is to just … er… put aside all rationality and logic and feelings (cumbersome things) and push a little harder. The worst thing that will probably happen if this stumbling goes on is to be denied the metaphoric trophy that is rightfully yours just because you have a pebble in your shoe and decide to forfeit participating in the marathon.

(Sorry for being incoherent I just woke up)

Anyway you know who you are so I shall just stop being cryptic.

I won’t sugarcoat things and say that I wasn’t disappointed. I was (very) angry and all I wanted to do was to sit you in front of me and give you a piece of my (brutally honest) mind – at that time la. What did you think you were doing…? I’m still quite mortified when I think of it – and I have a ball to attend later with most of the people that were present…

I know how hard this is for you – it’s hard for us as well to see how you’re struggling. We might not be able to fully understand because we don’t face the same problems as you. I know that it can seem impossible at times – with all the circumstances and people involved – but you cannot give up on yourself. There is no point in telling the universe that you will soldier on while giving up inside. You have to TRULY believe that you are fighting for a worthy cause and that you still stand a fighting chance.

We cannot hold your hand until you reach the finish line – this isn’t the way things work. We will do all we can in our power to give you all the help we can give (and rest assured – we have) but we cannot help you overcome your own demons. It’s all part of the whole process.

Aih. I don’t know la. I want this so much for you. We want this so much for you. It’s quite surprising how dedicated (not absolutely, but relatively) my close friends are to this cause – they wouldn’t care less under normal circumstances, you’re not even from the same batch! – and I’m so touched at what they’re trying to do it’s not funny.

Ok the last part of the last sentence didn’t make sense.

AIYAH I DON’T KNOW LA. I am trying to express myself and am failing again somewhat.

The thing is it’s going to be very stupid if you lose just because you cannot speak in public.

You can certainly write. You have already walked the walk. Now talk the talk.

587: Keeping mum (where? LOLame -_-)

Half of the things most of you know about me are false.

Apart from that – some of the people who know more than is safe are probably people undeserving of said information.

AH HAH. So would you rather be a close friend who doesn’t know stuff, or would you rather be a distant acquaintance who knows stuff?

(Now that I’ve come to think of it I’d rather be the latter lo. HAHA. But okla most of you probably lie in the “whatever la what makes you think I care at all in the first place -_-” category. HAHAH – which is what I would be thinking if I were to read about something like this in most of your blogs – yer since when I so bitchy wan?)

ANYWAY. Yes. I have come to realise that certain people are not to be taken at face value and it gets rather disappointing la when you hear certain things about certain people and you are told that they are not who they seem.

Aiyah whatever la. The point is that I shall stop disclosing classifed information about myself to other people liao.

Very sien ok. I cannot tahan living in the apprehension of having my information being used against me. Cannot. Especially by the people I trust the most.

You were right la. I was too blind to see that initially but now I kiiiiiiiinda agree with what you’ve been saying all this while…

586: The Blue Batik Background

Happy Birthday Adrian and Chong Bing! (and Siew Kim too if you still read my blog :P)

Here’s a little something I’ve designed for Mezhen, she’s organising a talk on the IMU Clinical School (Seremban and Batu Pahat) by an IMU alumnus who has had the (mis?)fortune of being on ALL the IMU campuses (PJ, Bukit Jalil, Seremban, Batu Pahat)! This is a very rare opportunity and all are welcome! :) Details are as on the poster!

edit: the venue of the talk has been changed to LT 1, instead of MPH 6 as written on the poster

(BTW the line below “brought to you by” is perfectly aligned in the copy that is going to be printed out – yes I assure you that the misalignment has been noted by my anal self. And there is an extra space between the U and ) in the “MBBS (IMU)” but I cannot do anything about it because that layer has been rasterized. ALSO – the IMU logo will turn out more appropriately-sized and aligned. HAHA anyway whatever la)

So come for the talk! The more the merrier! :)

CSU esok! T-T