597: Will you read me?

Righty ho! I haven’t been writing much lately and it is about time for one of my extensively paragraphed, cryptic entries! Whee!

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This is a map of my hard drives. The light green boxes represent BitLord incomplete files *cough*, the red boxes represent video (.avi) files, the dark blue boxes are .mp3 files, the yellow boxes interlaced with the blue ones represent .m4a files and the turquoise ones are .jpeg files.

The only things I can remove from my laptop are the incomplete BitLord files (eventually *eyeroll*) and the .avi files and the .jpeg files lo! I cannot remove the .mp3s and .m4as because I use my iTunes very frequently and ALTHOUGH I KNOW THAT I only listen to less than 50 songs ever I am a packrat and I want to keep my collection. Ehehe.

Ok whatever. I just thought that the map was cool.

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I feel sad for him when I think of you. I am sorry to say this but he is more deserving.

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Decisions decisions decisions. I am a people-pleaser and it is pathological!

Sometimes I just want to throw everything out the window and go like “I DON’T WANT TO DO ALREADY LA. YOU ALL SETTLE YOURSELVES LA. WHAT THE.” but then I cannot because I believe in what I’m doing and I want things to go right and I want everybody to be happy.

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You don’t know what to say. I need to hear what I want to hear. I don’t know what’s wrong with me -_- I AM EXPECTING TOO MUCH FROM YOU.

You. Are. Not. That. Important.

I am just conditioned to think otherwise.

PAVLOV’S DOG WILL SUCCEED IN OVERPOWERING THE OLD MAN WITH THE BELL.

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Sometimes I wonder if friendships mean anything because I was dissecting this friendship between me and another really close friend and then I realised that under all the superficial bitching and seemingly tight bond we have there is nothing below the surface because we don’t really share stuff. How long can such a friendship last?

Judging from the way things are going, i’d say it still has a pretty long shelf life but -

I don’t know. Does this prove that you don’t really need to know somebody to call him/her one of your closest friends?

Okla I admit that perhaps it is partially my fault for not being totally open with said friend. There are some really important things that people as close as you are to me should already know but the longer I keep it from you the more the situation turns into one that involves me actively hiding stuff from you…

… and then even more time passes and I end up not being able to tell you anything at all because it would effectively be “wrong” if I were to tell you only after so long.

So yala.

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“Those who mind don’t matter, those who matter don’t mind”

…

Really?

Chong Bing: Haha I realise I must sound like a hypocrite now :P HAHA.

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I realise that I try to portray a certain image sometimes while talking to certain people and more often than not these people are important to me – hence the need to “impress” them – and I end up looking like an idiot.

This is rather paradoxical because (I realise I juse the word “rather” – and “realise” a lot) obviously the fake me that you see is sub par to the real me and it is very stupid because of course I want you to see the better part of me – hence all the ‘acting’ in the first place – and not some faker who is stuffy, bimbotic and boring.

How do you act normally in front of people who make you feel inadequate (without meaning to, of course)?

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Oklah I’m done.