612: Here we are. Again.

You are doing it all wrong

and

How does The Golden Rule go again?

—

Note: I am not going to care whether or not what I am basing the rest of this entry on is really meant for me. I just think it is relevant to what I have to say.

I don’t know. What do you think?

I’d say yes without hesitation under normal circumstances. I guess it all boils down to what this means to you and what this means to me. There is no point acting and thinking that this is very important to me anymore because obviously you didn’t (… still don’t?) care la. I guess my final answer is – I don’t really care anymore and I’m sorry but I am not interested in half-hearted attempts to make things better?

(Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on me.)

Look, alright. I’ve been trying to put things nicely across to you (each word leads to a different entry) for months – why am I getting the feeling that I’m being accused of not caring?

Haha – okla I know la. I’m not one of the important ones. Well I’m sorry that I’m not one of the people who really matter. I’m sorry for syok-ing sendiri by being all indignant and righteous when writing those entries because I took for granted that my opinion mattered (to you) and maybe if I repeated certain things enough you’d get the point and realise that we’d still be waiting for you and all that.

I am sorry for assuming that I was a good friend of yours because I have always considered you one of mine.

I guess this shows how crappy I am as a friend. Things have come to this – this is as close to the end as it gets, trust me – and I am still… unimportant.

You know what – whatever. I am sorry I am not good enough to be your friend, and I’m sorry I’ll never be good enough to be sitting up there with all your other cool and sophisticated and intellectual friends. I’ll just settle down here, with all my lameness and stupid remarks and ignorance.

I cannot believe how I tried so hard to be accepted, how I carefully calculated and measured my words and actions so I wouldn’t end up annoying and irritating you unknowingly. I cannot believe how much I wanted for you to treat me like you treat them.

Maybe you’d be happier without needy and useless friends like me dragging you down.

I’d like to change my answer: No. I don’t think we are.

PS. People assume based on past experience and current knowledge. :)