what is…
42 minutes + 35 minutes + 17 minutes? :)
one of the best phone calls i’ve had in years. i’m not exaggerating.
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haha so many memories. 1.5 years.
i can only hope i was part of the “things that have had a huge impact on (your) life now”.
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chill la.
chilling la. :)
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i had, approximately, 3 hours of sleep last night. i was burning the first twelve episodes of the fourth season of House for you.
yes. the two dvds which never left my bag.
i spent the whole day out, up and about, being hyper and happy and loud and worried and slightly depressed at the same time.
i never really got to tell you why i was worried and slightly depressed because there were other people around and i’m not comfortable talking about stuff like that around them because i don’t think they’d understand. no it’s not about this whole emo thing this entire night has been about. please don’t allow your ego to inflate itself so fast. HAHA.
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it is now 0221 hrs and i am supposed to be “awake” at 3 am to start preparing to leave for the airport at 4 am. i have 30 minutes of sleep, tops but here i am typing this out. my phone is still charging (“OMG WHAT IF IT EXPLODES?!” *eyeroll*) and i am very afraid of leaving the charger behind because howai is also relying on my charger haha.
i know you are very important to me and i know you know that too. what i didn’t really know was if i am (was?) as important to you and it never tires me to be constantly proven wrong. :) and yes, you do suck at giving names. haha. gab. sb. outsider. like whatthe. maybe you should’ve left the name-giving to me. LOL.
maybe being able to go back isn’t the right choice. for me.
i’d never have fallen, gotten up, and fallen again. i’d never have had to lick my wounds alone and tend to fresh ones before the old ones healed. i’d never have realised how much my selfish impulses and distractions (g) have the ability to totally destroy and annihilate somebody’s (sb) life because karma came back for my ass. i’d never have felt how it was to be genuinely and thoroughly angry and hateful towards somebody for tearing something so precious to me (g) away from me, even though i was innocent and undeserving. i’d never have known injustice, i’d never have known malice, i’d never have known slander, and i’d never have known how it’d have been to be me.
you see. it is only possible for us to go back to “change” things because obviously we have learned from the shit we have dragged all over the carpet and “changing” things THEN would have no effect whatsoever because you already know the outcomes
the only feasible way to actually “change” things is to go back in time with your memory erased and even then, you can only hope to do things differently (even then you wouldn’t know because your memory has been erased in the first place)
i have never had the clarity of mind (how ironic – i am most lucid when i am sleep-deprived -_-) to realise that given the similar circumstances, i would have done the same things. i would have fallen prey to the same deceiving bastards. i would have fallen in love with the same guy. i would have furiously imploded in hatred and angst.
therefore there is no actual need for me to go back.
haha whatever la it’s not like i can actually opt to go back in time and “change” things right. -_-
however, i am happy that i am incapable of changing things, because then i would not have had started being friends with you.
23 minutes of sleep left. i don’t think i will end up sleeping after all. damn.
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remember your promises ok. they are the only things that are holding me up at this moment.
HAHA DO YOU FEEL THE PRESSURE?! DO YOU?!
(and no la i did not cry HA HA HA)
if i could choose whether or not i could be transported back to the time where you came to look for me and we sat in the stupid pondok in the middle of myplace apartments, i would. just so we had more time to talk.
eh stupid idiot remember ok. tuesday ok.
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i like how we communicate in a language nobody else can understand. gabgabgabsbsbsgab. :D
ok here i go again.
remember tuesday ok. _S_ucker. hahahahahahahaahahahahahaha. oh YES. i’m sure you do. ;)
PS. okla i disabled commenting to spare you the pain. pfft
