763: words

the past 1.5 days have been *really* good.

i am already missing howai tons and tons and tons :(

(haha confirm he kembang until explode after reading this :P)

i’m not that good at writing tear-jerking stuff but thank you.

i woke up today feeling that everything was going to be alright and i was so happy – i haven’t been this genuinely happy for a very long time – until we had to rush to Menara GE. HAHAHAHA.

anyway YES everything makes more sense now and i make more sense now and the universe makes more sense now and things aren’t/will never be ideal but i will survive. haha.

(life goes on, with or without you and me)

it doesn’t matter that much anymore – at least i know that i can depend on you to have my back – even though you’re halfway around the world. :) <3

(and of course i’ll always have yours, under an overwhelmingly huge majority of circumstances)

hahah i cannot wait for you to come over to dundee so i can fight over bendy straws with you :D

this is not the end, it’s not even close.

(hahahahahahahaha i know memang the end has never cropped up -  EVER – in our minds but i am feeling very dramatic/ sentimental/ semi-emo now CAN. TANKEW. YOUR FACE.)

:)

-

photography is the only thing that is keeping me from becoming jaded.

this is why it means so much to me and makes my day when you people tell me that you enjoy my photographs :)

thank you for your kind comments! :)

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i am now embarrassed to call myself a malaysian. went to urbanscapes earlier and am now so fluorescently red i glow in the dark. :(

stupid malaysian weather.

stupid awesome dundonian summer weather.

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urbanscapes was, for the lack of a better word, meh.

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japanese buffet with K soon hopefully! whee :D

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Klah people, random scanty shots from urbanscapes soon if my mood permits. heheheh.

good night!

762: no place like

(am listening to the soundtrack of sweeney todd now, lol)

the tower bridge and typical english weather

so here are the things i did when i had the entire day to spend in london:

went to king’s cross st. pancras station

picture of a picture (i think my current film pack is faulty :/)

went to camden market – it was rather disappointing, a little more than a super overpriced petaling street. (i guess one should not trust travel guides written by angmohs who have not been to markets in this part of the world too much -_-)

bubble

headed down to covent garden – the heart of street theatre in london. loafed around watching and laughing at corny street performers.

not very friendly plastic man

did something really british:

they don’t look it, but these were humongous

2 pounds for a rather huge box of strawberries. on retrospect i should probably have bought cherries -_- they (the strawberries) were very juicy and sweet but by the seventh or eighth strawberry i did not want to see another strawberry for at least two months.

i then explored covent garden and stumbled upon a familiar site

this guy was really, really good. he had me after he sang knocking on heaven’s door and with or without you.

it was very nostalgic.

i hung around some more and then i saw a person that made my heart stop.

(please read this. it is essential that you do so because it is very important to me. the picture in that post is the picture (ironically, not taken – but fully edited – by me) is the picture that kickstarted my passion for photography. i was nothing but a person who lugged a digicam around only to take pictures of people solely for the sake of photographic proof that i was at certain events. actually – i didn’t even bother with a camera most of the time -_-

if anybody is interested in knowing exactly which parts of the photograph triggered my desire to own a dslr – they are the way the light reflects off the mic stand, and the detail of the busker’s guitar neck.)

so ANYWAY

i saw this very street musician walking towards the “stage” and i was so excited because i couldn’t believe my eyes . i thought he was going to perform soon but i ended up waiting 2 hours before he finally came back to sing.

and i did not regret it one bit. i was wrong in the blog post. he sounded good. he sounded very good. he was the musician that sounded the best among all the musicians i listened to. there was just something about him.

i was, at one point, so overwhelmed that i almost cried (out of happiness and excitement and sheer disbelief).

anyway you know what people do when a missed opportunity comes along again – they grab it and they milk it for all its worth. i was really sad writing that blog post and words can barely describe how i feel now to have been able to be standing in covent garden, with my dslr and polaroid camera in hand, fully appreciative of photography and armed with much more experience and practice than i had back then, and to have taken this picture

this is my version, 21st June 2009

haha, some of you might probably be thinking that i am dramatising this entire thing. well then i guess you don’t know how much photography means to me; either that or you are a cold bitter dead fish and i shouldn’t be bothered with your opinions anyway. haha. omg now i sound like one of those poser blogs. eyeroll.

anyway. what else i did in london is now inconsequential because the entire purpose for this post was to blog about covent garden anyway.

i went to starbucks for a dark berry frappuccino. fyi, i do not support commercialised coffee (or coffee and any of its derivatives in general). i guess the day must have taken a big toll on me.

sorry random. what i wanted to say did not come out right. haha.

anyway that’s about it, i guess. :)

there really is no place like london.

-

(insert caption)

761: hattrick.

I love my friends – the people who know that I can be am a bit of a pushover sometimes, the people who sigh and shake their heads exasperatedly when people abuse my inability to say no, the people who get so indignant on my behalf that I start feeling bad instead of pissed (lol), the people who know that they can take advantage of me (and get away with it) but don’t. These people are the best friends in the world and I love them to no end and I would do (almost) *anything* for them.

-

I cannot wait for Friday night (<3! :D) and Urbanscapes! (Did I tell you that I FINALLY LOCATED BLACK AND WHITE FILM AT JESSOPS?! Joy!

…and then Ben located the same film at Boots selling for about 32p less -_-)

(O YA. BTW. I AM BACK IN MALAYSIA FOR ABOUT A MONTH, PEOPLE! LoL.)

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Was in London for the better part of a day on Saturday, and it was an emotional rollercoaster. I would really like to tell you why but I need pictures for this and my pictures are in my camera which is downstairs and I cannot go downstairs because I would trigger the alarm system and the entire neighbourhood would be woken up rudely and metaphorically be standing at my gate with pitchforks and torches HAHA.

Shall blog about London soon.

(Trust me on this, I feel too strongly about certain parts of London to ignore this promise.)

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I am going to tell you that you are not a duck, no matter how proudly you broadcast otherwise.

Cryptic much?

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I will be admitting that it is true, but only if I react.

Therefore, I shall not react.

Slander -  is this what you have resorted to?

How low can you go? :)

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I liked you best when I was blissfully ignorant of the personality you hid in the broom closet under the stairs.

Please don’t drag me down with you, you are not my fault.

Protected: 760: Therapy

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Protected: 759: Whatever.

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758: Here is

You and I got something
But it’s all and then it’s nothing to me
And I got my defenses
When it comes to your intentions for me
And we wake up in the breakdown
Of the things we never thought we could be

I’m not the one who broke you
I’m not the one you should fear
We got to move you darling
I thought I lost you somewhere
But you were never really ever there at all

And I want to get free, talk to me
I can feel you falling
And I wanted to be all you need
Somehow here is gone

I have no solution
To the sound of this pollution in me
And I was not the answer
So forget you ever thought it was me

And I don’t need the fallout of all the past
that’s here between us
And I’m not holding on
And all your lies weren’t enough to keep me here

And I want to get free, talk to me
I can feel you falling
And I wanted to be all you need
Somehow here is gone

And I want to get free talk to me
I can feel you falling
I know it’s out there
I know it’s out there
I can feel you falling
I know it’s out there
I know it’s out there
Somehow here is gone
I know it’s out there
I know it’s out there
Somehow here is gone

- Here Is Gone, Goo Goo Dolls

758: you don’t know this

(I sincerely believe that I will become a much better photographer once I learn to take imperfect pictures which turn out perfectly.)

I am so uninspired that this post is merely fueled by habit and persistence and stubborness and reluctance to let my half-assed Photoshopping/Poladroiding go to waste.

I cannot be a boat anymore.

(Does being sad make the world more beautiful?)

I cannot be who you thought I was, who you want me to be anymore. You cannot be who I thought you were, who I hope you still are.

When a rose dies, all that is left are its thorns.

Thorns – and an idiot with bloodied hands who still won’t let go.

What is this reluctance.

Every thorn leaves a fresh bleeding cut on soft flesh, every memory of a rose petal makes it better.

Push and pull.

I have forgotten what equilibrium is.

There was this girl.

(I can’t be bothered with analogies now.)

Every word still hurts.

You mean what you say.

-

Just -

different.

-

My coping strategy.

Eat me up inside, slowly.

-

Like a lit ball of paper.

Ashes to ashes.

(you are wrong about me.)

757: for the want of a pretty picture

as i was telling merv

i want 3985734 things and i meticulously plan how to get them, and then i get all excited and enthusiatic and motivated and determined to get them, and then i troll multiple websites and forums and become a content expert on aforementioned items and then i check online shops out and then i realise that the shops offer a lot of add-on packages etc which end up making the item way out of budget

and then i give the item up and continue with my life

-___________________________________________________-

I AM TOO WHIMSICAL FOR MY OWN GOOD.

what do i want now?! i want a lot of things. i want so many things it is very disgusting. HAHAHAHAHA.

i shall spare the world the details.

by the way

ALL OF THEM ARE PHOTOGRAPHY-RELATED.

YES.

can i say i’d never have thought that i would one day be *so* interested in photography?!!?!?!?!?

WHY?! SINCE WHEN?! ASD;FJAWPOIEFJAWOIRJBSIRUORARW.

(can you tell that i am frustrated? HAHAHAAHAHAHA.)

the worst thing is that when what you want is relatively cheap but not cheap enough to warrant me just going out to buy them. which is very good, i suppose.

there are always 3 factors: camera, film, processing.

here are some examples:

dSLR
camera: UBER EXPENSIVE
film: nonexistent
processing: virtually nonexistent

fisheye2 lomocam
camera: (relatively) expensive
film: cheap
processing: cheap

polaroid camera
camera: CHEAP!!!!!!!!!!
film: bloodsuckingly, wrist-slittingly EXPENSIVE
processing: free. lmao.

holga lomocam
camera: (relatively) cheap
film: cheap, but more expensive than the fisheye
processing: DIFFICULT, EXPENSIVE

coloursplash chakra lomocam
camera: (relatively) uber expensive
film: cheap
processing: cheap

diana+ lomocam
camera: EXPENSIVE (add-ons T-T)
film: cheap, but more expensive than the fisheye
processing: DIFFICULT, EXPENSIVE

random (canon – HAH :D) compact camera
camera: EXPENSIVE
film: nonexistent
processing: virutally nonexistent

DO YOU SEE WHAT I’M GETTING AT HERE?!

ok you know what. this is what i am going to do. i am going to find out the cost for processing medium format film in dundee and in malaysia. and THEN i will know what to do.

so for now i am going to bring all my cameras to urbanscapes and knock myself out. HAHA.

i miss the days when i had enough rationale and logic to know to avoid medium format films and therefore to automatically eliminate some of the wants i have currently. T-T stupid medium format film. i know that i can technically get around having to use medium format BUT I AM A SELECTIVE PURIST THAT WAY SO SUE ME. stupid purism. :(

i am going to sleep now.

camera filled dreams.

756: on a (much) lighter note

HELLO PEOPLE.

it has been an extremely eventful day.iI was all geared up and excited about blogging about the happenings of my day (haha this reminds me of how some people get extremely annoyed when other people blog about their day, i’ve blogged about this before).

anyway.

my day in four words – i went to edinburgh.

and now i elaborate – with pictures! :D

the weather was rather crap today. i experienced typical british weather – it was gloriously sunny for a grand total of 5 seconds and then it drizzled for 2 hours. (i exaggerate slightly) it became so annoying that i didn’t really realise how weird the weather was. haha.this is the reason for me not really having any pictures

(i swear that i had more wit before i started typing – i was distracted by dysfunctional clock towers and driving people nuts HAHAHAHA.)

the day started with us me taking pictures in the train

hoopla

hoopla and ben’s taiwanese snoopy HAHA

we then arrived in edinburgh, and then we conquered the highest peak in Africa

(hahahaha okla sorry la lame la i know la :/)

this is what ben and merv had for breakfast (the kilimanjaro breakfast or something like that)

i had a sweet chili chicken/mozarella/mushroom panini but it wasn’t very remarkable

and then we walked around edinburgh very aimlessly while walking into random shops and looking at random stuff

(sorry i know that i am starting to sound very boring -_-)

and then we came to this shop called OINK and horrified was i to see this in the shop window

i know.

and then i turned to share the horror with ben but he was going like “omg i’m so going to buy that” while walking into the shop (it was very O_O, he was there 3 seconds ago and then he disappeared).. and then when merv came along he took a look at the window and he went inside too

they came out of the shop with this

the flat piece on the top left corner is an MI (heart attack) waiting to happen la -_-

this is merv looking very gleeful and ben planning where to go next i think

this is a random shot of their backs

shot of (at the risk of sounding bimbotic) forgotwhat cathedral and forgotwho statue -_- when the sun was shining

and then we went to mussel inn for dinner!

the best clam chowder i’ve ever had! but granted that i haven’t tried many different clam chowders before

1-kilo pot of mussels with shallots in white wine and cream sauce.

and then we walked to the bus station and took the bus home the end.

(as you can see i very no mood liao HAHA.)

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other random interesting things that happened:

* two different birds (seagulls presumably) shat on two of my bags (my camera bag and my backpack which merv borrowed -___________-) samore merv said he saw the poop falling in slow motion towards my camera bag when it happened… SAMORE HE NEVER PUSH ME AWAY. :( hahahahah

* i located polaroid film! stupid un-updated jessops website. i checked last night and it said that they had the film in the edinburgh branch! i went there just now and they were rather unsympathetic while they were telling me that they sold the last pack last week. stupid. i was so put out it wasn’t funny. that was the main reason i was looking forward to edinburgh lo. i stood under the stupid scaffolding outside jessops almost in tears ok. :( but all went well again when we walked into this small and old camera shop and i saw 4 packs of polaroid 600 film sitting on the shelf. my heart stopped! hahahahaha.

* i was blabbering incessantly as usual and then i told merv/ben that we should transcribe our conversations because i believe that it would provide immense entertainment for those who read it. i imagine that part of the transcript would read like this:

me: eh i tell you if our (local) batchmates knew the me that i am now i bet they’d be super freaked and scared because i think they think that i’m very nice and quiet and *starts laughing out loud uncontrollably* demure *continues laughing*
merv: ..
ben: errrrrrrr. okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. *eyeroll*
me: wei why you all dowan to layan me?! did you hear wat i said?!?!?!?
merv: ..
ben: errrrrrrrr. okaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. *eyeroll*

…

you get the drift. HAHA. i told merv to prepare a card with two dots on it and just flash it after i say anything hahahaha. ben would need 3 cards: “errrrr”, “okaaaaaaay”, and “*eyeroll*” HAHAHAHAHA.

* i entered this photo-taking competition called picturing dundee some time ago and the first prize for the competition is a 800 pound voucher that can be redeemed at jessops. i often fantasise about winning this prize (law of attraction, people! haha) and i often draw blanks at what i would use my voucher on. would i want another dslr?! a wideangle/ macro lens (most probably)!? a canon ixus 980IS?!?

NOW I HAVE THE ANSWER.

imagine this:

reporter: so, here i am now with the winner of picturing dundee, michelle! michelle has won an 800 pound voucher to be spent at jessops. so, tell me, michelle, what are you going to spend it on?

me: oh, hahaha, i’ll probably spend it all on polaroid films, hahaaha

reporter: *thinks that i am joking and laughs along obligingly*

me: *is offended* what, you don’t believe me? come with me!

*enters shop*

me: i’d like to redeem 800 pounds worth of polaroid films please

(and the rest is only funny if i act it out in real life so i shall not bother)

yes i do know that my chances of winning are extremely slim and i seem like i am counting my chickens before they hatch but SUCH IS THE WORKING OF AN IDLE MIND OK. the bus ride from the bus station to spey drive isn’t exactly very interesting and i had to entertain myself. so don’t judge me. hmph.

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aiyah sien lah i would like to blog more but i am sleepy.

goodnight.

755: the anti-lovesong.

because i’m crazy like the rest of us
and i’m crazier when i’m next to her
and it’s amazing how she’s self-assured
and i know she’d hate me if she knew my words
do i hurt anymore
do i hurt
well i don’t

- please don’t tell her, jason mraz